So there your standing. In front of a cute, little baby boy or girl. They have just fallen asleep, at 2:00 in the morning. You have bags under your eyes, and you are exhausted. But there the baby is, asleep. The parents are gone, and the house is empty. What do you do next?
YOU PICK UP THAT BABY AND WHIP IT OUT OF THE FUCKING WINDOW!
not really....but thats how we all feel when we babysit, right?
Babysitting for a job, is a big fuckin joke. Why do we do it? because we have been lied to! Neighbors, family friends, etc all ask you to do a little babysitting for them. You feel sorry for them, so you agree.
You show up at their house, listen to all the rules and regulations the parents dish out, and then they leave you. So, now its time to meet the kids.
Are you expecting sweet, innocent children? The ones that are mock-ups of their parents? Listen to every command, no complaints, say please and thank you sort of thing?
Wake the fuck up. because your fucking wrong!
They come running down the stairs like a pack of wild, crazy, women running to get the last pair of Jimmy Choo's. They are either little ugly red heads, or depressed little wannabe emo children. They are loud, they don't listen, and they destroy the house.
They dont want what you make them for dinner, garbage is all over the house, they fight with each other, and its just the most insane thing of all. The worst part is when you have 2 + children, AND a baby. Why?
BECAUSE THE BABY NEVER SHUTS THE FUCK UP!!!! You end up running around the house, picking up trash, cleaning up 24/7, sitting kids in time-outs, feeding the baby, changing its diapers, putting it to sleep, then running after the kids again trying to get them to shut up. and they end up waking the baby again.
The worst part of it all is waiting for the parents. Didn't they say they would be home at midnight. WRONG! See what I've realized is parents have a secret code when they say they'll be home. Take what time they say, and add 3 more fucking hours to it.
So after you finally get all the children down at midnight, and scramble around trying to clean up the house (worry that the parents will be home soon), it takes you a couple hours. Then you finally lay on the couch at 3am, and guess who walks in the door. the parents.
you get up, bags under your eyes, tell them their children were angels (even though you KNOW they fuckin weren't and you'd love to go smother them with a pillow) and wait for your pay.
then what do they give you? they amount they were supposed to? FUCK NO!
they give you about 50 dollars less then what you expected. (inside your ready to fuckin knock out the parents, lock the doors, and set the house on FUCKIN FIRE!)....but sadly you can't....cuz its illegal....i looked it up.
instead you drive home, tired as fuckin hell, and crawl into your measley little bed. only to realized you have another babysittin job the next night.
Don't agree with me?
Then you can get into the house that I lock up and set on fire with the rest of the horrific fuckin family.
Do agree with me?
Then you can come over to my house tomorrow night at 7:00pm and my friend Mr. Right will make you his famous cock in a steak sandwich. Then we can all spoon and watch Gossip Girl and The Devil Wears Prada.
I don't care what you think. I'm right, so deal with it. BLAH!
